


One Last Thing

by DarkSideOfMe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Very eventual), Ben is still gone at the end, Bittersweet Ending, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hitting rock bottom before climbing back up, Loss of Virginity, Post-Canon, Post-TRoS, Pregnancy, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Still a happier ending than TROS, self-neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSideOfMe/pseuds/DarkSideOfMe
Summary: Rey is left feeling empty in the aftermath of the war... until one day she isn't.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 27
Kudos: 167
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics, The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition, Things that make tros hurt a little less





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the 3 days after seeing TROS so it’s a little rough, and it’s also the first time I’ve written actual Reylo smut. Hope you enjoy.

The first time Rey saw him she wasn’t sure what it was, just a flicker of movement seen from the corner of her eye. Maybe she was too numb to recognize it; she’d been walking around in a daze since the return. 

She didn’t see anything again for many weeks, but there were whispers. She swore she heard, _Rey,_ as she sat around a crowded cook-fire. She thought she could hear, _Rey_ , in the wind at dusk. Sometimes, she would look to see if others heard it too - but no one ever did, so she stopped listening. She was probably going mad. 

Rey knew that she should stick close to her friends, but with the war over, they started to scatter across the galaxy. Finn suddenly became inseparable from Jannah, and Rey was fine with that. She was happy that he had found someone to be with, and then happy for Jannah when the medical droids confirmed what was implied from the First Order data banks: Jannah was Lando’s daughter. It was such a happy moment. But Lando was a busy man - with the First and Final Orders gone there were good business opportunities again - and when he left so did Jannah, and therefore so did Finn. But Rey was happy for them; they had family.

Rose had become important politically, and was needed on Coruscant to help shape the new galactic republic. Rey felt it coming for a while, but she was surprised when 3PO announced that he would be going too, to act as translator; and where 3PO went so did R2. But she was happy for them; they had a purpose.

And, of course, Poe was a pilot in a galaxy that seemed suddenly short of pilots, so he was off, making good credit. When Rey and Chewie paid him a surprise visit one day, they were surprised to find Zorii’s ship parked in his hangar; apparently they were going to start doing long-distance hauling in some distant part of the galaxy and wouldn’t be back for many months. But Rey was happy for them; they had adventure.

Rey and Chewie logged many hyperspace hours, jumping system to system, visiting old war friends. But then one day Chewie asked her to bring him back to Kashyyyk. He had a son who had been without a proper father for too long, and Rey could not begrudge him that. 

So then it was just her and D-O on the Falcon. At times she wished the little droid had chosen to go with someone else. He would have made a good companion for BB-8; Poe would have welcomed him. But somehow the little droid managed to never leave her side. He often liked to show off that his wheel still had ‘ _no squeak’_ until it didn’t and Rey would oil him again.

Together they traveled the galaxy. Sometimes Rey would be unrecognized, and she would pick up random work to support their travels. She was happy to do most things, from washing dishes to repairing hyperdrives. She never complained about what she was paid; the only thing she needed was to be busy. 

But eventually her face made its way around the NewHoloNet, and suddenly food and fuel and lodging were laid at her feet for as long as she cared to stay on any one planet. All anyone wanted was to _talk_ to her, to hear what happened on the Sith planet - _what was it called again? -_ to position themselves close to her politically, from bartenders to regents. 

For a while she tried to keep visiting her friends, but within half a standard year she couldn’t even dock planetside without being swarmed by holo-reporters and well wishers and Jedi wannabes, and it was impossible to find any peace. Everyone kept asking her what she was going to _do_ next, but she felt no drive to do any of the things they imagined. 

The only important decision she made was to hang up the Skywalker lightsabers, which was basically the same moment that the universe thrust that damned yellow crystal into her hands. At least making her saber gave her something to do for a while; to keep her hands busy. As long as she was busy doing something she didn’t have to think of how she felt or any of the rest of it.

But eventually she even ran out of things to do. She even ran out of things to fix on the Falcon, and so Rey traveled for the third time to the most unfindable place in the galaxy. 

She took up residence in her old hut and milked the thala-sirens and speared the fish, and after a while the Fish-Nuns stopped grumbling about her presence. 

But her chores only took up so much time and with nothing to do with her hands Rey started to hear whispers again. Once more she shut them out. The last thing the galaxy needed was an insane Jedi with a laser sword.

Much of her extra time she spent doting on D-O, but after a while even doing that felt taxing. Yet he would still follow her to the shore and the cliffs and back to her hut. It seemed that he was oblivious to emptiness inside her, and for a time Rey took solace that at least he was happy.

But one night, after many months of living the same day over again he surprised her and said, “ _Sad”_. 

She had to cough not to choke on her fish. “What?”

 _“Sad”_ , the droid repeated.

“You’re sad?” How could he be? She had just oiled his wheel that morning (she had to oil it frequently on this salty planet.

But the droid shook his head, and tapped his muzzle against her leg. “ _Sad”_.

And then she realized she had failed even him. 

The next day she woke early and snuck out of the hut. The rocks grew sharper the closer she got to the water's edge. She had't been to the grotto since she arrived on the island, though this time she entered by way of the shore rather than falling through the ceiling. At least that way her clothes were dry as she sat in front of the smooth rock wall. 

She hadn’t seen her face in many weeks, and was shocked at how tired she looked, how worn and dirty her clothes were. She stared into her eyes and suddenly she couldn’t hold back the memories of another, an unseeing pair, rotting in their sockets and yet slightly living. She remembered the foul stench of his breath, the cold that seeped into her bones as she stood before him. She remembered the heat of the lightning that split the sky and crippled the ships above her. She was burning on the outside and freezing on the inside. She couldn’t breathe. 

_Rey_.

And then she realized she couldn't breathe. She coughed and sputtered salt water. How long had she been there staring at the wall? Hours? It was dark again. Could she have been there until the suns had risen and set again? The tide had come up. Her limbs were cold and sluggish as she struggled to stay on the surface, her eyes flung around and a circle of moonlight shone down from the ceiling. 

Rey’s arms beat the water. There was supposed to be something called swimming, but she had never had time or desire for it and now she was drowning. In the poor light it was hard to tell exactly what way was up, and she took in more water than air she thought of Finn and Rose and Poe and Chewie and R2 and 3PO and even D-O waiting for her back at her hut; she realized that no one would be there to oil his wheel if she didn’t make it back. And then her legs kicked like they knew what to do, and somehow, on the next swell, her hands found the seaweed growing around the blow hole. She hauled herself, hand over hand until she was lying - gasping - next to it.

She was so numb - almost frozen really - when she stumbled back to the hut. D-O was wheeling circles around the structure and buzzed right up to her when she came in sight. “ _Wet. Wet. Why wet? Worried._ ” 

Inside, D-O zipped around her as she tried to light a fire with shaking fingers. “ _Why wet? Worried. Worried,_ ” he repeated over and over.

She finally got the kindling to light. “I’m s-sorry. That was s-stupid of me,” she chattered. It was more than she had spoken in weeks.

“ _Worried_.”

She wrapped a blanket around herself and sighed as she looked down at the little droid. She sat by the fire and stroked his antenna. “I’m s-sorry, I won’t do that again.” And just for a moment, from the corner of her vision, she swore she saw a figure sitting across the fire from her. It must just be the cold.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Rey woke early, before dawn, and was suddenly struck with the need to walk. She didn’t get five steps before D-O was trailing at her heels; apparently the little droid had modified his charging protocols so he would wake whenever she moved about the hut. They walked along the eastern side of the island, and when the sun came up Rey sat in the grass and stared at it. It probably wasn’t the prettiest sun rise, but it was the most beautiful thing she had seen since coming to the island. That day her chores didn’t feel quite so monotonous, and when she smiled at the size of fish she caught D-O chirped, “ _Happy_.”

She started going for walks every morning, trying to pick a different path each day - though she avoided the sea cave. One day, on the beach, she found a long stick. It was terribly unbalanced but still she flipped it around in a few twirls and making D-O cheer. Later that day she went back to the Falcon and took her proper staff from where it was stowed, and it too became a companion on her daily walks.

The Fish-Nuns invited her the next time they had a feast on the beach. The food was better than what she had been making for herself, and, after many attempts, she finally pronounced a few of their words to their approval. They even got her dancing, and that night she slept better than she had in ages.

The next morning she woke up bright and chipper as the large sun started to dawn. She didn’t even realize where her feet were going until she found herself on the highest peak with her foot on the last step into the meditation cave. She pulled up short, her breath catching. 

This was the last place she saw Luke. Alive Luke. 

She breathed deeply to calm her heart rate, and entered. The droid must have registered the change in her pace because he started to hang farther back, moving cautiously around the cave. 

It was as she remembered. The meditation pool quiet and undisturbed, the large rock overlooking the precipice. She approached it - the rock - but only hovered her fingers over it. She may be the last Jedi but she did not feel like it. Without another glance she turned and left to start her chores. 

But that afternoon she returned, with a blanket, folded it on the floor and sat before the pool. D-O rested off to the side. The figure in the water stared facelessly back at her and her slumped shoulders. Right. She fixed her posture, closed her eyes and… breathed. It felt good, like she had been holding her breath for eons. But that thought itself was distracting and she let it go. She breathed again and just tried - for the first time in many months - to feel. She could feel the air filling her lungs. She could feel the hard rock, under the blanket, holding her up. She could feel the whole room around her, then suddenly the whole island. And now that she was feeling again she started to listen. The wind made a low whistle as it blew by the cave, and she could hear the grass whisper on the slope and the cry of a porg, and even the tiny sound of some tiny insect on the ceiling. 

And then the thing she heard was not a whisper; it was voice, deep and rich. And tired.

 _Rey_. 

She opened her eyes and froze when she saw him sitting across from her, legs crossed like hers. He looked exhausted. “Ben,” she breathed.

“ _What? What?”_ chirped the droid, alarmed, scanning the room. 

She turned to D-O. “It’s -” But when she turned back there was nothing there.

The next morning she woke and started her day with a long meditation by the pool. She told D-O he didn’t need to come but he insisted. There were no visions or whispers that day, but by the end she could individually sense every rock and pebble in the cave. Uncomplaining she headed down the slope in time for her usual chores, and then she was right back by the pool for the whole afternoon, until the droid chirped, “ _Low power_ ,” and they went back to the hut where he could charge again off the solar cells she had set up for him. 

For supper she ate every morsel of fish on her plate like she had never tasted it before and had would never taste it again, memorizing it’s texture and taste. And after her food she promised D-O that she would be right back and ran to the Falcon to get the last book she had been reading when her training was interrupted. 

And so began a new routine, of menial chores, yes, but also of the training that she had truly enjoyed. She started to think that the vision had been some trick of her mind - unlocked after by the meditation after she hadn’t done it in so long - but she didn’t begrudge it. She finally felt like she was living again. 

Then one day, while she waved hello to two of the Fish-Nuns that she always saw together, it suddenly hit her that she hasn’t checked the Falcon’s transmission logs in since shortly after arriving.

She would make up the meditation time later, she thought as she bolted down to the shore. D-O noted that the Falcon’s door was, “ _Squeaky_ ,” as Rey bounced on her toes, waiting for it to open. She made a mental note to start doing rust maintenance on the Falcon. 

She engaged the uplink to the nearest communications beacon, and suddenly she had one-thousand five-hundred and twenty-three holo-coms, and even some text only transmissions, supposedly in case she had a limited receiving ability. She glanced through them, many had written - names she knew and those she didn’t - but one name stood out.

Finn.

She filtered his messages and skimmed the star-dates. He had sent her a message almost every single day for months now. She selected the most recent, and smiled at his face. He looked tired but well; perhaps he had sent this late at night from his planet.

“ _Rey, it’s me again. Just trying to check in with you.” He sighed. “Jannah’s starting to feel a lot better. If you didn’t see my holo from yesterday, she had lost some blood, but they gave her a transfusion, and Linea is doing well. Gaining weight. She feeds like a sarlacc, I’m telling you. Anyway, the medi-droids say we can take her home tomorrow. Things might get rather busy the next few weeks, so I may not be able to holo you every day, but I will still be thinking of you Rey and I will try to check for incoming transmission. As always, send any transmission as a priority message.” He smiled a sad smile. “And Rey, may the Force be with you._ ” And the holo ended.

It didn’t quite click until near the end of the holo. Finn and Jannah had had a baby. They had nurtured and created a life together. 

And she had missed it. 

She couldn’t believe it until she counted the number of months she had been here. And her disappearance had cost Finn hundreds of moments that he could have spent on his family. 

She flipped on the recording equipment. It was old but it would still send a signal. “Finn, I’m-” She hesitated to say where she was in case the message was intercepted. “-okay. I got your message; that you and Jannah are taking Linea home soon.” She tried to calculate what the delay would be on the transmissions; it should be about a day. “I’m so happy for you. I hope all is still well.” She smiled at the thought of Finn as a father. “And I’m so sorry-” She’s crying now. “- that I missed this Finn. That was my fault. I don’t know how I can make that up to you. It’ll take a day or so to get the Falcon ready. I’ll come as soon as I can. And Finn. Thank you.” She removed the location information from the holo-file, set the priority to high and sent it off. 

What had she been thinking, practically stranding herself in the middle of nowhere without telling anyone where she was going. She looked around relieved to find the rest of the cockpit as it had been left. On the floor, D-O looked up at her, expectantly. “Come on D-O. We have work to do.”


	3. Chapter 3

Within the hour, her heart had sank. The rust damage on the Falcon was far more extensive than she had thought. The hull’s structure was fine, but the Falcon had hundreds of moving parts - vents and landing gear and rudders and, of course, the com dish - and every single one of them was rusted. If she had replacements she would have swapped them out, but she didn’t, meaning she would have to take each piece apart, clean it, and put it back together. She could do it faster with the Force, but each piece still needed to be focused on individually; she couldn’t afford to break anything. At best it might be two or three days. 

And then she found the porgs’ nests in some of the vents on the shore side. She could clean them out, but doing so would disrupt the nests, and seemed rather antithetical to her whole mission. Maybe the Fish-Nuns knew of a solution.

She sighed and headed back to the village. She rushed through her chores - if she skipped those she risked losing the good will of the nuns - and found one of the older ones who seemed the most willing to communicate with Rey. After ten minutes of not being able to explain the problem quite right, she took the old Lanai’s hand and was relieved that the nun was willing to follow her.

The older female seemed to understand the problem at the sight of the nests, and by the end of the day there seemed to be some kind of plan to start relocating the porgs. 

Rey ate a hasty supper, and started to do inventory of the items in her hut, particularly what to take and what to leave. She brought an armful of booked back to the Falcon when she went one last time to check the com-link for any new transmissions. There weren’t any, but that wasn’t surprising. Finn was the only one to have holoed her in a long time, and she should expect a reply until at least tomorrow.

Her constant companion rolled up beside her. “ _Happy?_ ”

“Yes, I’m very happy for them,” she smiled.

The droid looked at her sideways. Strange. Like he was unsatisfied with her answer. But he rolled off, and Rey followed him back to the hut and she tried to fall asleep. 

* * *

At dawn Rey ate quickly and then ran to the Falcon. There was no com, but she was not dismayed. She was good at waiting, but now she _knew_ there was someone to wait for.

She started doing her de-rusting. It was tedious, but she was right. She was far faster when she did it with the Force. She would sit near the bit of hull she was working on and once she got the hang of unscrewing screws things started to speed up. By mid-day she could hold nearly a hundred separate objects in the air with her mind. A few of the nuns that oogled the graceful arcs that she spun, but she tried to ignore their fascination. She had to concentrate. 

And then the com alarm went off. She nearly dropped the panels and bolts she was levitating but caught them before any hit the ground and skipped into the sea. She hastily put them back in their places a dashed to the cockpit.

The transmission was from Finn. “ _Hi Rey. It’s me checking in again._ ” Damn. He hadn’t received her transmission yet; but that was okay, because he would. He would keep checking. “ _So we’re all home now and-”_ Rey’s jaw dropped as Finn reached for something off-sensor. “ _-I’d like you to meet someone._ ” He held a tiny bundle and brought the cutest face up to the sensor. “ _Rey meet Linea._ ” She was the most adorable thing and Rey realized she was crying again. “ _Jannah’s asleep. Lando’s here to help us out for a few days.”_

Off-sensor there was a, “ _Hi Rey,_ ” in a deeper voice, and she laughed.

“ _Anyway, I need to get a few things done around here. I’ll try to holo again soon._ ” And the image faded. Rey’s cheeks hurt she was smiling so much.

She nearly tripped on D-O as she headed back outside. She was still on target to have the de-rusting done in two or three days, and then she would have to check for any damage in the vents, and then anything else that might have broken, but things were looking up.

She de-rusted the rest of the afternoon - taking short breaks to do her chores - and was shocked when one of the Fish-Nuns brought her food for supper. At first she didn’t know if she should be touched that they would think of her, or offended that they would be so helpful to get rid of her, but she let the thought go and assumed the better of the two.

By the end of the first day she had nearly half of the Falcon cleaned up, and was just starting up the hill when she heard the faint pin of the com bell. The Falcon’s bay door opened smoothly now, if still slower than she wanted. “Com’on, com’on, com’on, com’on.” She squeezed through when it was still most of the way up, and shrieked when she saw Finn’s name on the message.

“D-O!” she shouted down the corridor. “D-O, it’s Finn!” She hit the button.

“ _Rey,_ ” Finn’s face filled the holo-field, just as his smile filled his face. Tears - happy tears - were running down his face. “ _Rey, I’m so happy to know you’re okay. I- I thought you were...”_ He sat back so the sensor would see his hand stretched across his chest and Rey knew exactly what he meant. “ _...but I wasn’t sure_. _Rey wherever you are please stay safe and come back to us soon. May the Force be with you._ ”

“Yes! D-O we did it!” She jumped out of her seat and started to dance.

The little droid zipped back and forth in his version of dancing. “ _Yes. We did it. Yes, yes. We did it._ ”

She sent back a location-less message outlining the anticipated timing of her repairs and a very loose hyperdrive travel estimate. “I got your holo with Linea, and she is so beautiful, Finn. I’ll holo again soon. The Force be with all of you.” 


	4. Chapter 4

It was Finn’s next message, the following evening, that put a damper on Rey’s hopes. 

He was sitting with his chin in hand, running his fingers through his hair. “ _Hi Rey_.” They might as well have been sitting across the table from each other. “ _Rey, I hate to say this but… they know you’re coming. As in, everyone in the galaxy. It seems our transmissions have been intercepted. They know you’re planning to come here and suddenly I have every holo-reported, politician and Jedi enthusiast out my front door. Rey, I-_ ” He closed his eyes for a moment. “ _I don’t know what to say, Rey. I- I never really knew what you were going through… before you disappeared. Let me know what you want to do. At the very least we seem to be getting free food brought to us every day. Don’t worry, I’m checking all of it. No one's tried anything._ ” He smiled. “ _Talk to you soon._ ”

Rey flung herself back in the chair and rubbed her face. At least the work she had done today on the Falcon wasn’t for nothing; she would leave eventually. It was a question of when.

But it was absolutely, positively not fair to expect Finn and Jannah to put up with _that_ while they had a new baby in the house. There was only one thing to do.

It took Rey a few minutes to find the words. She fixed her posture before she started recording. “To all of the well-wishers who have gathered to meet me, I do apologize. I will not be able to come as I had hoped. Please depart in the same spirit as you have come; with caring intention. There may be a time in the future when our paths may cross. May the Force be with you.” She watched it once, deleted the location, scrambled her sending origin, and sent it to every major HoloNews hub that she could think of.

She sighed. Perhaps being a Jedi was just as political as it always had been.


	5. Chapter 5

She took her time with the repairs, not pushing herself quite so hard. In a way it was good that she no longer had a deadline; she wouldn’t have made it. The rust on the shore-side of the Falcon was much thicker than what she had already cleared.

When she started to tire she would sit in the Falcon and listen to her backlog of holos. First she watched the few that Finn had sent as high priority; one, of course, was the announcement and another was the birth. She skimmed the ones from Rose and Poe and other members of the Resistance. There were suddenly new messages from them too, not just Finn, mostly wishing her well; Rose asked if Rey would come to Coruscant, but to Rey that was the least appealing thought in the galaxy.

The nuns had all the porg nests relocated long before she finished with the rust. The suns were just starting to set as she peaked in the emptied vents. Cleaning them would wait until tomorrow. Or the next day even. There was no rush. The longer she waited, the more settled Finn and Jannah would be with the baby. 

Rey was about to enter her hut when she glanced up the slope. It had been days since she had meditated without nuts and bolts involved, and somehow it seemed appealing. She ducked into the hut.

“ _Close door?_ ” asked D-O, when she left it open. 

“I want to go up to the cave. Would you like to come with me?” she asked as she grabbed a hunk of blue cheese and her blanket. 

He chirped in the affirmative. “ _Yes._ ”

They made the steep trek up the slope, Rey scarfing down the cheese as she went. She started her meditation as she always did, in front of the pool. At least she didn’t have to worry about D-O getting cold. If she hadn’t had her blanket, the stone floor would have sapped the heat from her body. 

The wind was starting to settle and she could feel the porgs starting to tuck into their nests for the night. She tried to stretch her awareness, to the farthest reaches of the island and within it. She could feel Force - the dark and the light - flowing and narrowing down to the vergence points on the island, weaving around and feeding into each other. 

_Breathe_ , Luke had told her.

How was it that only here, on this island, that balance seemed to make sense? Her battle with Palpatine had still been about Light triumphing over Darkness. Would the strength of the Light only force Darkness to rise again? Or was it because she came from Darkness that she could defeat it? None of it really made sense to her. 

_Breathe_.

That was just the memory of Luke’s voice in her head, of course. Since the battle she had only seen the ghosts of Luke and Leia that once on Tatooine. The Jedi that had filled her during the battle had been silent since then. Maybe it was because she had died that she had lost her connection to them. 

Of course she wasn’t supposed to be thinking these things during meditation. She was supposed to be thinking of nothing, observing the world and letting one moment flow into the next without thoughts to ripple the waters of her mind. Perhaps it was because of the intense mental exertion of the preceding days that she did not stop her mind from wandering. And as she thought of herself in that dark room and the idea of being connected to others, she thought of _him_ , the moment the Force connected them. 

She had thought she was alone, and then she wasn’t. And then she was again.

Rey had long ago cried out her tears - in her bed at night, in the sonic shower, or anywhere she could be by herself - so she let herself think of those few moments when she thought that they were going to be happy. Together. Finally. 

She knew this was not what a Jedi was supposed to do - a Jedi was supposed to let go - and yet when she thought of doing that if felt _wrong_ , like she would be giving up on someone that was still there. Her next breath was more of a sigh, really. 

She was so weary of this, the back and forth of how the _rules_ and her _feelings_ felt at odds with one another. Should they not be one and the same. Is there no balance between them either?

She still felt like she could reach out and touch him again sometimes. And though it must be somewhere between insane and pathetic, she drew out her hand, as she had once done, reached out. 

_Breathe_. It was just her voice now.

“Be with me,” she whispered. 

And in that moment she didn’t worry about what was going to happen. She opened her senses to the island, and the wind and the waves, and the Force that bound all of it together.

“Be with me,” she exhaled on her next breath.

And as she followed the tendrils of the Force her awareness expanded, to the depths of the ocean - leagues and leagues of open sea, the curve of the planet blocking the suns’ rays - farther than she had ever felt before. And yet she was still aware of when a tiny drop of water fell from the ceiling, passed by her hand, and dropped in the pool in front of her. 

And then something warm, pressed on her fingers. Strange. 

She opened her eyes; and he did the same. He was sitting there, across from her again, cross-legged, black clothes. He was not a translucent blue; he was solid, real. 

She would not look away this time; she would not blink. Her arm was like durasteel. “Ben,” she whispered.

His brow pinched in effort. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to stay longer next time.”

“Wait. No. _BEN!_ ”

But then he was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey gasped awake in a most uncomfortable position, sitting on the floor of the Falcon, leaning against a bulkhead, with her books strewn around her and in her lap. The image of Ben sitting across from her, reaching back to her, blazed into her consciousness and for a moment the memory of him wared with the impossibility of what she saw.

It had to have been real, she told herself.

She had tried to bring him back of course. She had sat in the cave and meditated for another three hours, trying to replicate what she had done. Had it happened because she had been thinking of Ben? Trying to reach out to him? Or because she had been connected to a large portion of the planet’s lifeforce? Or was this Ben’s doing? Had he been trying to come back?

After getting nowhere in the cave she had stumbled down the island’s slopes to the Falcon, and started reading through her texts. She had looked for something, anything that might tell her what was happening, but if there was she had yet to find it. She must have fallen asleep reading. She studied the page open in front of her, but there was nothing special on it. She sighed and started to think of what she should do next.

But suddenly she had a feeling; the feeling of being watched. 

She wheeled around only to have D-O reverse hard into a wall, “ _Ah! Sorry._ ”

She clapped her hand to her face. “Oh D-O. No, no, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” 

He wheeled forward cautiously and she straightened his antenna. “ _I’m okay._ ”

She huffs a laugh through a sad smile. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m just… distracted.”

“ _Can I help?_ ” D-O looked down at the book in front of her. 

Could he? What was she even doing? Was any of this real? Or had she finally snapped? She had felt so certain last night, but in the dawn of a new day it seemed ridiculous. And then it occurred to her that D-O had been in the cave too. “D-O, last night, did you see him?”

The little droids head spun up to her. “ _Who?_ ”

Who? Yes, who has she seen last night? Even if it was him, was it really still _him_? “Ben Solo.”

“ _Who?_ ”

She couldn’t bring herself to call him by the name the galaxy knew him by. “A man, in black, across from me last night, by the pool.” It felt foolish, a hope against odds.

“ _Oh. This guy?_ ” And she gaped as the droid plugged himself into the bulkhead’s communication jack and two figures came into existence, scratchy and blue. Ben sat across from her, his hand reaching forward to touch hers. There was a short whisper on the audio, and she knew that’s when she said his name.

“ _I’m sorry. I’ll try to stay longer next time,_ ” the image said. His mouth moved and everything.

“ _Wait. No. BEN!_ ”

And then he was gone.

“ _Noooooooo. Ben! Ben!_ ” Her holo self stood and splashed through the poll to stand where he had been. “ _Ben come back! Beeeeeen!_ ” It turned in circles before collapsing on the spot in tears. “ _Ben come back to me._ ” 

Rey’s eyes were already pricked and threatening to overflow. “Okay D-O, that’s enough.” She didn’t need to watch herself cry for the next minute and then piece herself back together. 

She closed her eyes. Tears rolled down her face but she wiped them quickly. She needed to let the grief in that moment go. Ben had been there. He had really been there. D-O saw it. And he said he was going to come back. Did she need to prepare? To do anything? Regardless of not knowing, she was going to try. And so Rey started over again with yet another new routine, with only her feelings to guide her.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey tried everything.

She would meditate while she practiced her saber form. She would meditate when she tended to D-O. She would meditate while she fished. She would even meditate lying on her back when her body was exhausted. 

She could hold an awareness of the whole island in her mind easily. If she was sitting or levitating she could expand her awareness much further into the ocean. She would reach out to him as she had in the cave. She would empty her mind of every thought for hours at a time.

She would meditate by the pool. She would meditate on the rock. She would even meditate in the mirror cave, though she found this the most taxing. Then she started to meditate in other places on the island, just to see how the Force looked and felt from different locations. 

And still she did not see Ben.

Days turned into weeks, and then a month passed, but her hope still blazed brightly. The only times she wasn’t really meditating was when she slept, or watched holos from Finn, or when the Fish-Nuns invited her their feasts at the shore and even then she mindfully savoured every song and decoration and morsel of food. 

She was even meditating while she helped the nuns construct a new building. It was quite a spectacle, Rey levitating a hundred or so rocks, seeing in her mind which ones would and would best fit the spot they wanted to fill next, presenting the rocks to the Fish-Nun in charge, and once the nun’s selection had been made, adjusting her predictions of what the next rock should be (even before the newly selected stone was floated in place).

And she did all this while observing the rest of the island in her mind, which is how she sensed the boulder - which had been supporting the shore under the Falcon, on the other side of the island - suddenly erode into the sea and the Falcon shift towards the water. 

“No!” Rey called and flung her arm towards the ship. The rocks floating around her dropped safely to the ground. 

Rey had the Falcon in her grip. The ground had given way only under one of the landing supports and for now she could support the weight that the ground should have held, but she wasn’t if more of the shore would give way or for how long she could hold it. There was only one option. 

* * *

The Fish-Nuns watching Rey must have been very puzzled. One moment they were efficiently choosing stones from the ones she presented, and the next every rock was gently lying down on the ground. 

Meanwhile the girl was now staring and gesturing off at nothing really. Though she slowly raised her hand and sweat started to pour off her body they saw no effect of her efforts. She even cried out with a guttural roar before collapsing to the ground and still they saw nothing. It wasn’t until another sister came running along the short shouting of how the ship suddenly lifted without its engines and floated to a new spot father from the waved, that they realized what must have happened.

The girl seemed spent after that and could not lift more than one rock at a time, so the head-sister sent her home and bade her rest. That night was another feast and two sisters assisted her as she slowly made her way to the far shore. She ate an unfathomable amount of food and mostly sat and watched the festivities. It was made clear to all the sisters and the visiting Fishmen that she was to be left to rest. 

By the end of the night she seemed much recovered, and she exchanged many thanks with the nuns before she departed for the night.

* * *

Rey and D-O made their way back to the hut. She was still tired but the food and rest and good spirits had done her well. The Force did interesting things at these celebrations of theirs. 

She had wanted to detour down to the Falcon - to make sure it was undamaged with her eyes as well as the Force - but D-O had been insistent that she get some sleep instead. “ _Low battery. You need charge._ ”

By the time she closed the door he had already zipped down his ramp and plugged himself into the solar array, though he wouldn’t go into sleep mode until she herself lay down. 

There was a bit of chill in the hut, so she wrapped herself in her blanket and lit the fire. When it was burning nicely she turned to her collection of interesting objects that adorned a small table. A Fishman had given her a necklace that evening, and as she added it to her collection she couldn’t help but remember another necklace, one that had been snatched from her from across the stars. 

And even though longing was forbidden she thought, _Where are you Ben?_

“Is this seat taken?” came a rich voice from behind her.

She whirled. “Ben.”

And he was sitting, on a stool that he had only sat in across the stars before. 

This time Rey closed the distance immediately - hesitating to touch him only long enough for him to nod - and then she was straddling his lap and their lips and bodies pressed together. He was here. He was really here. She could feel him. He was kissing her back and holding her. But she couldn’t assume it would last; she had important questions. “Ben,” she said between kisses. “How do I keep you here? If you leave, how do I bring you back? Has it been helping, the things I’ve been doing? Are there things that I should be doing?”

He seemed quite happy to kiss her mouth and ear and neck while she spat out her questions. “I don’t know. You can keep trying but don’t hurt yourself. Rey, I can’t stay for long, but I’m getting better at this.”

His body felt just as warm as his hand had. “Why can’t I feel you in the Force, Ben?” 

He rested his forehead to hers as he looked into her eyes. “Because I’m not supposed to be here,” he whispered. 

“Ben…”

But then a far off look crossed his face and he helped them both to stand. “I’ll try to be back sooner this time.”

She searched his eyes. “I love you, Ben.”

“I know,” he whispered.

And then he was gone again. 


	8. Chapter 8

She let herself rest for two days before returning to her routine. She should have felt tired, and she did, but anyone that looked at Rey would have just seen her smile. She even smiled when the head Fish-Nun chose the worst possible rock for the lintel of the new hut. Such material things were of no true importance. 

Ben was coming back for her. The family she had lost was finding its way back.

And he was right, it didn’t take him long to return. 

She had just sent a holo to Finn - she was still powering down the equipment - when a voice came from behind her. “I’m glad you have friends like him.”

She practically knocked him over as she threw her arms around his neck. “Ben,” she smiled and kissed him. 

Despite her bold enthusiasm at the start of their embrace, it quickly transformed into the tenderest of kisses, each of them holding the other’s face gingerly. “Ben, tell me what I need to do.” 

“You’re already doing it. You’re doing fine.”

“Ben, where are you when you aren’t here?”

His brow creased. “I’m not really sure.”

She looked at him carefully, as much as she could while in his embrace. “You don’t look like Luke or Leia did.”

The moment she said it she was worried he might lash out, but his face only took on a thoughtful cast. “No, I’m not where they are.”

“Are you okay wherever it is that you go? Are you being hurt?” She had no sense that that was the case, but she had to know.

He smiled at her concern. “No. It’s… mostly peaceful here.”

Her eyes widened. “Mostly?”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” She wanted him to go on but he just looked at her with those soft brown eyes.

She took a breath. “Last time, you said you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Rey.” The saddest of looks crossed his face. “I’m sorry.”

Were running down her cheeks by this point. “Ben are you-”

He cocked his head suddenly. “I have to go.” The kiss he gave her was more urgent than before. “I’ll be back soon. And Rey…”

She looked up to his eyes again.

“I love you too.”

And then she stood by herself in the Falcon’s cockpit, but she wasn’t alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For anyone that's reading this again, I make a couple edits. 1) I realized in the hours after posting the fic that there was something missing, that I had kind of dropped exploring Rey and just how powerful she has become with the Force, so I've added a line to explore that. - Dec 23, 2019. 2) I reworked their conversation at the end a bit. - Dec 24, 2019)

Slowly the time between his visits shortened, and the length of his visits grew. He appeared to her in many places, though never where the Fish-Nuns might see him. He once appeared in her hut just as she was going to eat, and he insisted that her meal not be interrupted. She had never cleared her plate so fast - which for Rey was really saying something - and she threw her arms around him while she still chewed the last bite. 

She always had questions for him but he never quite had answers, and somehow he always turned the conversation to the mundane things that filled her life. He even suggested how she could re-route some of the Falcon’s propulsion controls after she found that the wiring had been chewed through. 

One day - after she'd been holding about a third of the planet in her awareness for several hours and he'd appeared to her - they lay side by side in a quiet meadow, between two of the island’s peaks, when he asked, “How’s your new lightsaber?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Ah, good. Why do you ask?”

“Will you show it to me?” He was always doing that; answering questions with more questions. It was the most Leia thing about him. 

She drew it from her hip and spun the trigger, making him smile. “How unique. Show me your forms.”

“Now? But I’m so comfortable,” she mock-complained. 

“Please?” he asked.

“Oh fine. But I’m not going to put up with any teacher-student nonsense.” They both smiled.

She fell into her stance and started to move over the grass. If he thought posture or strikes were off he didn’t say anything. She ended with a half-cartwheel as she whirled her blade around, landing back in her ready position before turning to him. 

“Perfect,” he said from his seat in the grass. 

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re just saying that.”

“No really.” His smile gave away that he didn’t quite think that, but that he was keeping it to himself meant it was only nitpicking. 

She smiled. “Do you want to try it?” Just as he could interact with her, so too could he interact with other objects. 

“Ah.” He looked disheartened suddenly. “No. It’s best if I don’t.” 

She didn’t want to ask why only to be deflected again, so she twirled her blade a few more times in looping arcs. 

“What colour is it?” he asked and the question shocked her blade to stillness. He couldn’t see the colours of the objects around them? Then how exactly did he perceive objects here?

“Ah, yellow,” she blinked. 

If he noticed her reaction, he hid it well. “It suits you.”

She smiled, though it didn’t quite touch her eyes, so she turned away to start her next form.

“Rey..?”

It was the seriousness of his voice that halted her. She lowered the saber and switched it off. 

“There’s one question you haven’t asked me.”

She nodded. She had almost asked it once, the first time he appeared on the Falcon. She could hear him come up just behind her. She could feel the tears starting to prick her eyes. 

She turned to him, but found she couldn’t quite meet his eyes, leaving her to stare at his chin and mouth. “A-Are you going to stay with me?” She said with a broken voice. She had been hoping it would be so - he sometimes appeared more than once a day now; he even stayed for a whole half hour yesterday - but now… 

“I don't think I can.” 

She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She didn’t want to waste time crying while he was here. 

“Things have changed where I am. I think- I think I may only have one more chance to come back." Her breath hitched and he reached for her as she reached for him. "Rey, believe me, I would die a thousand deaths to be with you but that’s not how this place works.” They stood arms wrapped around each other. “Rey, there’s one last thing I can give you. If you want it.”

She nodded against his chest. 

“Please think about it-”

“Yes.” Her eyes flung up to his and she nodded vigorously. “Yes.”

The smirk on his face was something she never thought she’d see. “Tonight then.”

She nodded and let him cup her face while he kissed her tenderly before he disappeared.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Again for any re-readers: I wasn't completely happy with the pillow talk, so I've altered it a bit. - Dec 24, 2019"

She waited for him on the Falcon. “Is this okay?”

He turned to her and smiled. “It’s perfect.” And she smiled back.

“Will we have enough time?” she asked.

“I’ve made some special arrangements. We’ll have enough.” She hoped it hadn’t cost him too much. 

She took his hand and led him to the crew quarters. “I set D-O on watch at the door. As long as the island doesn’t sink I think we’ll be okay.” And suddenly she was nervous. “Have you done this before?”

His mouth hung open a moment. “No,” he admitted, “but I’m privy to the secrets of the universe.” He deadpanned. “Have you?”

“No. But growing up in Jakku you hear lots of things. It’s a strong industry there.” 

He nodded, though a little flash of anger crossed his eyes for a moment.

“So…” she said. “What do we do first?” She gestured to the makeshift bed made of overlapped mattresses that she had taken from the crew bunks. 

“I think this is where we undress,” he said. 

She nodded and reached for the end of her wrap but he offered, “Let me,” and so she stood while he pulled at her buckles and wraps and shirt and boots and pants, all the while kissing her neck or some newly exposed bit of skin. He stopped at her breast band and underclothes, and stepped back to grab the hem of his own shirt. 

“Wait,” she said, stepping in quickly to do the lifting herself. It probably would have been faster for him to do it; he had to bend down so that she could pull it over his head, but they both seemed to be smiling. The shirt tossed aside, she stepped in to unfasten his trousers. She shoved them down and he stepped out of them and his boots. They held hands as they lay on the bed, side by side. 

It was here that she thought she understood the next step. There were three main services that could be purchased on Jakku, and she thought she’d start with the simplest. She reached for his underclothes, and his eyes slid shut as her hand closed around him. She teased him with little kisses as she rubbed him up and down. He seemed to be enjoying it - how could she consider herself a scavenger if she wasn’t good with her hands? - but quickly he stopped her. “Wait. I think you should go first.”

She blinked. “Me?” This was not her understanding of these transactions.

For a moment his face tried to take on several expressions at once, until he closed his eyes and breathed and seemed to set certain thoughts aside. “I’ll- Let me show you,” he said, and she nodded.

He sat her up and slowly unwrapped her breast band, then laid her on her back with kisses to her lips and neck. He sat up beside her and watched her carefully as he pulled down her underclothes. She could feel her nipple harden in the cool air, and his eyes roamed her skin reverently. He lay back next to her, kissing her easily, but his hand was hesitant as it caressed her breast.

“Yes, you may do that,” she said into his mouth when his touch continued to ghost over her skin. She could feel his smile against her mouth and his hand started to massage her rather than just caress her. His hands were so warm; it was wonderful. 

And then he shifted his body down the mattress so now he was kissing her neck; and then her collarbone. He adjusted her knees to the sides so he could lay himself between her legs as he kissed down her chest. And then his mouth was on her breast, and _gods_ she wasn’t expecting that to feel quite so good. He read her enjoyment and switched from one breast to the other and back, pinching lightly with his fingers on the unoccupied side. 

She wondered when it would be his turn again, but then his mouth started to venture further, and when he passed her navel an understanding dawned on her. She propped herself on her elbows. “Is it alright to do that?”

He froze and looked up at her. “It’s… supposed to be enjoyable, yes.”

Of course, she had only heard of this going the other way between partners. “And for yourself?” she asked with a modicum of trepidation. 

“Oh, don't worry about me.” His smirk hinted that it was far from a hardship.

For a moment she wasn’t quite sure what to think. 

“Please?.” He pleaded not just with his voice but with his eyes too, eyes she trusted, so she nodded and lay back. “Just relax. I've got you,” he breathed into her skin. 

She took a deep breath and when she let it out he started to kiss his way down again. Of course, Rey had long ago realized the effect of movement and vibration over herself - she had a broken stabilizer on her speeder to thank for that - but this was altogether different. His breath was warm, and his lips soft, and his tongue wet and hot and he seemed to understand exactly where to press and glide. His hands massaged her legs and one hand moved to the place that she’d been told was worth the most (or the second most depending what services you offered); the place that led to other things as well. 

He pressed into her with one finger and she accepted him easily. This was certainly more convenient than her own hands and more comfortable than objects she had fashioned for the job, but for a reason that she could only explain because it was _him_ her mind experienced it in a way that was entirely different. Her body sang where he touched her and without trying her awareness had become the here and now, she and him; their touch, their sounds, their happiness. 

The fullness in her was even better when he added a second finger, and when he sucked on her, the swirling energy that had been building in her body came together and exploded. He held onto her with his hand and lips until she came back down, and crawled up beside her as she lay panting. She would have lain there for hours but somehow she knew they didn’t have that kind of time.

She scrambled to sit up and starting tugging off his underclothes. 

“Rey,” he protested, but that’s where his objections ended. He knew it too. 

She attempted a wry smile. “Quiet. I only have this once chance to show that I’m the better pilot.” Maybe she she is still nervous; it didn't sound very funny after it came out.

But his mouth dropped open - just for a moment - and then he laughed. Ben Solo laughed, and it filled her heart as much as it broke it, but she set any melancholie aside.

She straddled and took hold of him. She used both hands for a moment - as much to memorize him as to make her grip span around him - and then she lifted herself. Maybe it was her heightened awareness, strengthened by her months of practice, but she knew just where to bring him, and she eased on to him without hesitation. She watched his eyes close and his mouth go slack, and then watched him battle to find her gaze again. He was even more filling than his fingers, but her body knew just how to accept him for who he was. 

And she started to move and they both smiled, at least until his expression was lost again to the throws of the moment. She understood; after what he had just done, she understood. 

She built her pace faster and soon their bodies were slapping together, but it wasn’t obscene or carnal. It just was. Just another part of life. At some point he laid a hand on her lower abdomen so his thumb could press onto her again, reigniting the feelings that had come before. And when his hips started to move up to meet her she rode him even harder, until he lost his rhythm and slammed up into her one last time. Her eyes devoured the look on his face.

She lay beside him, cradling his face which was both peaceful and happy, and the only thing that hurt in this moment was knowing what came next. They kissed a few times, but then she sensed the urgency of the moment. “Do we need to get you dressed?” she asked. She had no idea what the rules would be around objects that left his person. 

Though it pained him to admit it, he nodded. “It would probably be better,” he said, which Rey took meant, ‘definitely better,’ but she didn’t ask why.

Without a scrap of cloth for herself, she helped him find his clothes and get them on. Is this what it would have been like had things been different? Rushed couplings before speeding away from each other; being with each other rarely? Or would they have found peace together?

She was still naked as she kissed him again. “Is it really the last time?”

“For now at least,” he mumbled into her cheek. “I will keep trying but I may have run out of options here and-”

She silenced him with her fingers on his lips. “I know.” 

He held her tight against him. “May the Force be with you, Rey.”

If only the grip of her hand was enough to keep him here, but she knew it wasn’t to be. “And with you, always.”

He disappeared and she dropped to her knees, and even though it was against the rules she wailed. 


	11. Chapter 11

Finn had watched the dark-cloaked figure climb out of its ship - an Aethersprite-class light interceptor - and make its way up to his compound. He stood now, back against the wall beside the door, blaster in hand, waiting. 

They didn’t usually have trouble, but at the moment he was glad his guard was never fully down. 

The knock sounded loudly in the hall.

“Who is it?” he called, hopefully loud enough that Jannah would also hear him from the back of the house.

Even muffled by the door he recognized the voice. “Finn…” the voice called.

His eyes bulged. It seemed so impossible that he still held the blaster as he cracked the door.

Rey had pushed down the scarves that had obscured her face; her smile was as he had always remembered it. 

He was about to shout out, “ _Rey,_ ” but she raised a finger to her lips and she squeezed the mass of robes that she seemed to swim in through the door. 

He slammed and locked the door behind her. “Rey,” he breathed in happy shock. He threw her arms around her and her bulbous disguise, but she angled her body away, only hugging him lightly. 

“Oh, hang on, let me show you something.” She started to pull off layer after layer of her coverings.

“Where’s the Falcon?” he asked as he watched the dark coverings turn to creams. 

“With Lando. He was nice enough to lend me this one while he keeps her and D-O out of sight.” It was only as she removed one last white poncho that Finn saw the bundle strapped to her front by the wraps that she usually wore around her torso. A tiny head of dark hair poked out of the top. 

Finn gaped as she spoke. “Finn, I’d like you to meet someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The child is a girl and her name is Galia, and Rey lives a full and happy life as a single mom, and when she finally does pass with her daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren around her she finds him waiting for her.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
